Do you know what the Internet doesn’t have? A guide on how to eat in Spain. Please, explain to me how to eat food in Spain – I though paella was supposed to go up my arse and I sincerely thought it was polite to shove olives up my nose.

This morning I woke up thinking, ‘I wish I had a guide to how the locals eat. I need a post to help to enlighten me on how to eat food in Spain.’ Luckily the travel bloggers are correct in their assumption that I’m a complete moron. I just can’t understand what the fuck Spanish people are doing with that paella. What? Hu? Is that a spoon?

Do you want to know what Spaniards really eat? Here, take a look:

Inside the pantry of a Spanish person: food includes bread, hazelnut spread and canned tuna.
Inside a real Spaniard’s pantry

Yep. That’s white bread with the crusts removed, the Spanish version of Nutella and somewhere in that cupboard I can assure you there is a tub of Cola Cao.

SPANISH PEOPLE EAT LIKE 12-YEAR OLDS.

There. guide done and done. To eat like a Spanish person, eat like a 12-year old.

For an excellent guide to the real coffee that exists in Spain (outside of international cafes) here’s a genuinely great blog post on Spanish coffee.

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