1. Talk down to your audience. Always include a post on how you risked everything and turned down the best job ever to do what nobody else has done and go teach abroad. You’re simply amazing, and everyone wants to hear your story.
  2. In your ‘about me’ make sure to include a photo of you smiling with some cute children from a third world country who you promised money to after the photo shoot is done. If you don’t have access to cute poor children, use an image of you jumping mid-air with some green mountains in the background and the sunrays blurring the photo a little bit. If you’re a female in Spain, stick to a shot of you in the traje de flamenca.
  3. Food is not food – it’s ‘the local cuisine.’ When you’ve exhausted the local cuisine, refer to it as the local gastronomy. And tell your audience how it gives you a gastronomical orgasm – this is a new term which nobody has used before.
  4. While we’re on it, melting pot, fusion, hustle and bustle (particularly when describing the local market), best-kept secret and exotic smell. Use these terms often and always.
  5. List everything. It’s not worth blogging about unless it can be done in 10 easy (or simple) steps. And the search engines will love you for it.
  6. Don’t have expertise in travel blogging or writing? No matter! That makes you a suitable candidate to write a 150-word blog post on how to be an expert travel blogger.
  7. The right sidebar of your blog is reserved for a host of tremendously unpleasant travel-related advertisements and official stamps which apparently authenticate your blog and make it officially official and worth reading.
  8. Never forget the post on how to avoid homesickness.
  9. More photos of you jumping somewhere. And sunsets!!! The children. Dirty, poor, children!
  10. Always end your blog post by posing a question to your audience like

Do you have any other tips on how to blog good? Let us know in the comments!

A drawing of a travel girl standing with two poor kids on either side
A handy guide to taking the perfect photo.
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