Why haven’t I told people yet I have been accepted for a second year in Spain’s language assistant program?

Because people instantly become arseholes when they hear the word ‘Madrid.’

There are three types of people who I haven’t told yet:

  1. Other language assistant people
  2. People in my pueblo (town) Sanlucar de Barrameda in Cadiz and Andalusians in general
  3. Parent-type people (who are not arseholes)

The reason why I haven’t yet told parent-type people is because I know if I continue another year here in Spain they will be sad I’m not coming home. Let’s face it, life without me blows.

But the reason is fairly similar for type 1 and type 2 people:

Because upon hearing I have been accepted (after applying) for the province of Madrid, people act as if I have just told them I am going to cover myself in dog shit then slam a hammer into my face.

Type 1 people, the language assistants are all, “MADRID? Why? But that’s not real Spain!

And type 2 people (Andalusia people) are all, “MADRID? Why? The weather is cold! The people aren’t open/friendly! The city is too big! (But at least you’ll be able to understand their Spanish).

My answer to all of those responses are:

FUCK YOU. (except to being able to understand their Spanish).

I have looked at many maps of Spain, and according to all of them, MADRID IS IN SPAIN. In fact, it’s the capital. In fact, it’s smack in the middle of Spain! So, I believe it is real Spain. No culture? Depends on your definition. There may be many English speakers there, but there are also many Spanish speakers. Live in Basque Country/Galicia/Valencia? Guess what, there are other languages there too. Andalusia? Well, it’s called Spanish but it sounds more like thhhhhsihfsldkvnsthhhhkdjneubfklsf.

It seems to be the smaller the town the language assistant is placed in, the bigger the ‘holier-than-thou’ ego:

“My town is authentic, it only has 16 people! They only speak Spanish! We ride bulls to school and shower in olive oil and worship cojones!”

I don’t care! I’ve already done a year in a town, and I’m looking for another experience. Everyone has a different reason to participate in the program.

Weather too cold? The language assistant program runs through winter – I should hope it’s cold. And it has been fucking cold and wet here in Andalusia, and guess what? THEY DON’T HAVE PROPER HEATING. I spent new year’s in Iceland and I felt warmer there than I did in Andalusia this winter. The houses in the south of Spain are built to block out the heat. I have been living in a giant fridge.

The people aren’t open/friendly – I know there may be some truth to this, but there’s good friendly people and not so friendly people in every city, town and country. I am sure I will get through it. Besides, one of my favourite Spanish friends is from Madrid, and she’s pretty frickin ‘open’ and friendly. And I’m from Melbourne which is a big city – so thank you, I know what the definition of a ‘big city’ is. I’m a city girl and I like cities, I don’t  see anything wrong with that. City.

So the next time you judge someone for choosing culturaless, cold, big, unhappy Madrid, please picture me walking through one of Madrid’s many art galleries with my friendly madrileño friends as we say, screw you, cara de culo.

And just to note, I have loved living in Andalusia and am proud of my slight thhhdsfuhiekj Andalusian accent. Andalusia will probably be one of my favourite parts of Spain to live in. But how will I ever know that if I don’t give somewhere else a go?

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